


With Teeth

by Ischa



Category: Original Work
Genre: Big Bang Challenge, Blood, Bloodplay, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Sexual Content, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-15
Updated: 2011-08-15
Packaged: 2017-10-22 15:57:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/239840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carden knows that Jun is a vampire who picks up sleazy men in clubs so he can eat them in the back alley and then sleeps on Carden’s couch (because he just didn't leave and Carden didn't make him). He knows Jun doesn't care what kind of cigarettes he smokes or that robbery is a crime (because he is <i>eating</i> people to survive – and dead people don't need money, but the living do) and he knows that he likes to have Jun's fingers around his ankle so they can talk without words (telepathy is kind of awesome, especially in a loud, hot place, but it's also awesome when you're lying on the floor and smoking).<br/>So, life is good, if a bit messy, but then Jun just disappears without a real explanation and when he comes back after a year things are a lot messier for both of them.<br/>This is really  just a 'friends fall in love without really realising it' story.<br/></p>
<p>
  <i>“Stake through your undead heart?” he blurs out.</i>
  <br/><i>“Is that actually a serious question?” Jun asks and there is an easy laugh in his voice.</i>
  <br/><i>Carden nods his head. “Yes, yes, it is.”</i>
  <br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	With Teeth

**Author's Note:**

> Now with more great art <3! By the lovely and talented perpendicularcircles.  
> B/W version: https://24.media.tumblr.com/1edef702b623474c1ba39bee6746e174/tumblr_n1obxp5ptx1s8lj9zo1_500.png

**Title:** With Teeth  
 **Pairing:** Jun/Carden (mentions of Jun/Ethan)  
 **Rating:** NC-17  
 **Summary:** Carden knows that Jun is a vampire who picks up sleazy men in clubs so he can eat them in the back alley and then sleeps on Carden’s couch (because he just didn't leave and Carden didn't make him). He knows Jun doesn't care what kind of cigarettes he smokes or that robbery is a crime (because he is _eating_ people to survive – and dead people don't need money, but the living do) and he knows that he likes to have Jun's fingers around his ankle so they can talk without words (telepathy is kind of awesome, especially in a loud, hot place, but it's also awesome when you're lying on the floor and smoking).  
So, life is good, if a bit messy, but then Jun just disappears without a real explanation and when he comes back after a year things are a lot messier for both of them.  
This is really  just a 'friends fall in love without really realising it' story.  
 _“Stake through your undead heart?” he blurs out._  
“Is that actually a serious question?” Jun asks and there is an easy laugh in his voice.  
Carden nods his head. “Yes, yes, it is.”  
“You planning on killing me and stealing all my treasures?”  
“You have treasures?” Carden asks, one eyebrow raised in mockery.  
 **Warning(s):** blood, sex, violence  
 **Author’s Notes:** This is an original story. Title by Nine Inch Nails. Huge thanks to tygermine, asm_z and allfaltering. This would have been a mess without you guys! [](http://deadflowers5.livejournal.com/78013.html#cutid1)  
All art by: deadflowers5  
The [awesome mix](http://kkscatnip.livejournal.com/2096220.html) by:kkscatnip    
 **Word Count:** 12.488  
 **Beta:**  asm_z and allfaltering  
 **Disclaimer:** All mine.

\---

  


**~Part I.~**  
[  
](http://pics.livejournal.com/creepylicious/pic/000ff6b8/)

 

**~1~**

Jun is a vampire. Carden knows that. You wouldn't know by just looking at him, or maybe you would, he isn't sure. Carden never believed in anything more supernatural than a sunny day in April at the north coast (it's a rare fucking thing, okay?). He isn't especially pale or unearthly beautiful. He's Jun. And maybe that’s why Carden didn't know.  
It's not like they had known each other that long anyway.  
Carden cocks his head as he watches Jun on the dance floor; he looks kind of hot and kind of ridiculous, but that's part of this weird charm he has going on. The girls are all over him, a few guys as well. Some sleazy old man is watching him like he would love to fuck him. It's not above Jun, Carden knows. He shivers just thinking about it. So he tries not to.  
Jun catches his eye and follows his gaze; Carden can see him smile, a wicked, feral smile. A smile you should be afraid of, but this old sleazy man isn’t. On some days Carden thinks that he should be more...shocked is maybe the right word. But he isn't. He doesn't know if Jun is only killing people who deserve it. And who is he to have a say in it? Jun isn't God, even if he sometimes totally thinks he is.  
He can't remember how this whole thing has started. One minute he was alone and the next Jun was sleeping on his couch.  
A heavy arm makes him look up and into Jun's grinning face, dark eyes sparkling. His pale blue shirt is wet from his sweat in places. It should be gross but isn't.  
 _I think I'm taking him home, tonight._ Jun says directly into his head. He only can do that when they're touching because Carden refuses to drink any of Jun's blood (the one time Jun asked, _Why the hell not?, he replied, Because it’s fucking gross, man._ That was the end of the conversation. Jun is easy to get along with.)  
When Jun says 'Home' he doesn't mean their home, which is Carden's small, shitty apartment. He means outside. Carden nods, feels Jun squeeze his shoulder with his chilly fingers. Not really cold, more like he was playing in cold water for a while. It's not unpleasant.  
 _Who are you taking home?_ He asks.  
 _Your lazy ass._ Carden answers and hears, feels, Jun laugh. It's weird this inside laugh, loud and fucking weird. Jun's fingers linger for a brief moment before he shrugs and makes his way over to the corner where the sleazy guy is watching. Carden doesn't look at them. He knows Jun's routine. Jun is quick, doesn't dick around, just goes for the things he wants. It's maybe the reason why he is sleeping on Carden's couch. He gulps his drink down and it burns at the back of his tongue, but it's a good feeling. It makes him forget about the things Jun is going to do in some back alley a few minutes after he leaves the club. His fingers itch for a cigarette, but Jun has his pack. He sighs mentally and curses Jun as well, for ten fucking minutes until Jun comes back. Jun cocks his head in question as he approaches. There is a small red smear on his collarbone. Looks like dirt, but Carden knows it's blood from the poor bastard he ate a few minutes ago. Carden nods, getting up.

  
~+~  
The air outside is fucking cold, biting into his skin. Jun zips his hoodie and puts the hood up, obscuring his face. He looks like a small town gangster.

“You have my cigarettes, fucker,” Carden says. Jun laughs. It carries in the deserted back alley they're taking back home. The wind catches a strand of Jun's too long blond hair and he tugs it back under the hood impatiently before he takes out Carden's pack of cigarettes – Lucky’s (Jun doesn't care much about what he smokes, Carden does) – handing them over. The pack is nearly empty, the meagre rest consists of three smokes. He takes one out and lights up. The first drag is just there to enjoy. He stops in his tracks and inhales deeply. Jun pauses a few steps away, turning to look at him.

“What are you doing?”

“Inhaling and exhaling smoke. Some people call it smoking, I'm sure you’ve heard of it,” Carden answers, blowing white-grey clouds into the cold, dark night sky.

Jun rolls his eyes; Carden can't really see it, but he knows Jun. “It's freezing here, asshole. Can't you smoke while we're walking home?”

“I was itching for it for fifteen minutes. I need to enjoy it right the fuck now.”

“I'm leaving you here,” Jun warns.

“I know the fucking way to my fucking apartment,” he answers, a smile curving his lips. He knows Jun can see it. Vampire mojo or something. Carden really doesn't care for the semantics. It's enough to just know about this shit.

“You never know if there isn't something lurking around the shadows,” Jun gives back.

“Like you?”

“Touché.”  
Carden takes another drag, smoke filling his lungs, holds it in a bit too long and lets it out. His throat feels raw and tender. He takes another and then flips the butt on the pavement.

“Let's go,” he says, closing the short distance between him and Jun. Jun waits, watching him.

  
~+~  
The apartment is cold as well, because that asshole Jun left the fucking window open. The whole freaking day. He shivers and Jun laughs as he switches the light on.

“Home, sweet home,” he says, walking over to the small kitchen (everything in their apartment is  
small). Carden sits down on the couch; it smells like Jun. He can hear Jun in the kitchen humming something by The Sex Pistols while he's making coffee ('So, you drink coffee then?' he had asked around week two after Jun sprang the whole vampire thing at him. 'Yep,' Jun had said and that was that. Carden doesn't need to know everything about Jun. He sometimes isn't sure he wants to know the things he does). His fingers are prickling as the warmth from the leather starts to seep into his skin. Fucking Jun, fucking honestly. He sighs, leaning his head against the couch, closing his eyes. He feels tired, but his mind is restless and he knows he won’t get much sleep tonight.

“Thanks,” he says without opening his eyes as Jun puts a mug on the table. He can smell blessed coffee, but it's too hot to drink right now anyway.

“Whatever,” Jun answers, sitting down beside him. He is cradling his own mug, Carden knows because he's always doing it. The hot porcelain doesn't bother Jun. Doesn't bother a vampire, he supposes.

“Did you shut that freaking window?”

“Yeah...” Jun replies; Carden can hear the smile in his voice and smiles back. It's easy to live with Jun.

  
**~2~**

He's late for work the next morning – again. Fuck, he shouldn't go out with Jun on weekdays. Will he never learn? After all, he is the only one with a job. Okay, Jun is totally supporting the whole rent thing, but Carden doesn't know where that money comes from. Maybe dead people. He doesn't think Jun is above robbery. He isn't above killing, so...robbery shouldn't be a problem for him. Maybe he’s hustling pool... Maybe Carden should ask one day… when he's really fucking drunk.

“Carden, you lazy fucker! You're late for work,” Bella scolds and he just nods. She smirks at him. “Jun kept you awake all night?”

“I'm not fucking Jun, for the last time, Bella,” he answers, snagging the apron from her fingers.

“Yeah...keep telling me that and maybe I'll believe it one day.”

“Just because you want to fuck him...” he begins.

“Fuck you, everyone wants to fuck him. Are you fucking blind?”

He shrugs. “Not gay.”

“Everyone is gay for someone at some point,” she answers. But she is a fucking lesbian – with exceptions, meaning kind of bi with a tendency to girls. Whatever.

“Well, at this point in my life I'm not gay for anyone,” he says.  
She laughs at him, kissing his cheek and leaving. He saw her hot girlfriend outside, waiting. Why are all the hot girls with other girls? ('Because they're smart, dumb ass,' she said. He was drunk and stoned when he asked it, she was sober and laughing her ass off.)

  
~+~  
Work sucks. But work usually sucks, and serving coffee to stupid kids sucks a lot more when you didn't catch more than four hours of sleep the night before AND you have to show a new kid around.  
Why the hell does he need to do that? He suspects it's punishment because he's always late. He can be glad his boss has a soft spot for him – that pervert.  
He sighs when the new kid breaks a cup and his eyes get all misty.

“Oh for fuck's sake!” he says sharply. He can't deal with that kid _crying_. He can't deal with crying people at the best of times, and this is so not one of his better days. The kid looks up at him.  
“It's just a fucking cup! Just...clean up the mess and make a new one.” He sighs again as the kid nods.  
His life is so fucking hard. When did all of this go so freaking wrong?

  
~+~  
“What's this kid's name anyway?” Jun asks. Carden shifts his phone and takes out his cigarettes. He needs a break from all this. A really long one.

“How the hell should I know?” he answers. Maybe he shouldn't bitch about his day on the phone to Jun like a fucking boyfriend. Maybe then Bella wouldn't give him those smirks every time she sees them together.

“Didn't he tell you or weren't you listening?” Jun wants to know. Fuck Jun for focusing on something like that on a day like this. He inhales and sighs. So much better. Jun laughs in his ear. His fingers are getting numb already. This fucking cold. Why is it so cold for May anyway? And misty.

“It looks like rain,” he says, exhaling again.

“Good day for being outside.”

“When you're a vampire, sure,” Carden gives back. Jun laughs again. “Did you just get up, fucker?” he wants to know.

“Yeah...” Carden can hear Jun make coffee in their kitchen. Jun makes really good coffee and Carden is the one that works in a coffee shop. Talk about irony again.

“Are you going out tonight?”

“Are you?”

“I was late for work today, again,” Carden answers closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. He can hear people walking by and cars and something that may be an old vinyl record of The Wall. Nearby. Maybe someone living above the shop.

“I know that,” Jun says and doesn't add that Carden not five minutes ago bitched about it. “Are you?”

“No, I need to sleep sometime.”

“You could just quit your day-job and do something else,” Jun suggests. Carden opens his eyes again when he hears footsteps closing in.

“Right, like you? No thanks. Have to go,” he adds.

“Love you too.”

“Fuck you!” Carden answers, but he feels better already.

  
~+~  
Kid's name is Ryan and he plays the guitar. Carden didn't want to know all these things, doesn't care, since he is a heartless bastard, but that kid never shuts up.

“What's your name?” he asks, looking at Carden.

“Carden.”

“Is that...” Ryan begins.

“Just Carden,” he answers, maybe a bit too sharply. He is so not in the mood for sharing.

“Oh...okay.” Ryan says and why, why does he feel like he just kicked a fucking puppy? Fuck.

He runs his hand through his hair and sighs. “Have a ride home?”

“No...I came on the bus?”

“I can drive you,” Carden offers.

“Yeah, no...that's okay.”

Carden shrugs, he is not here to make friends. The whole no-friendship thing didn't work with Bella, but a boy can dream, right?

  
~+~  
A week later he's lying on the couch and Jun is doing something with the new speakers. Carden didn't ask where they came from, entertaining the suspicion that Bella was talking behind his back to that Ryan kid.

“See, the thing is he’s being fucking friendly and shit, like I’m a nice person. Do I look like a fucking nice person? Do I sound like one?” he asks, waving his cigarette around while speaking. Jun laughs.

“No you fucking don't,” he answers, then Highway to Hell fills the air around them and Carden can't even understand his _thoughts_.  
They listen to it silently, Jun sitting on the floor at Carden's feet, his eyes closed and his face turned in the window's direction. The day is grey and cloudy, chilly as well. After the song ends, Jun turns the volume down and sits beside Carden on the couch. He steals Carden's cigarette so fast he doesn't even realise it until it's gone. Totally unfair vampire speed.

“Give it back,” he says, kicking Jun's shin. Jun doesn't answer or do anything at all, except grin around his stolen cigarette.

“You need more friends,” he says after a while.

“No, I don't,” Carden answers, his voice cold as anything. Jun gives the half-smoked cigarette back and Carden tries not to think about Jun's immortal spit on it. Sometimes his brain is a scary place - even for him.

  
~+~  
The telepathy thing was kind of a revelation. And like everything else with Jun, it just happened. Suddenly Jun's voice was in his head one night when they were standing at a bar and Carden took a step back and it was quiet again. Jun explained it later – his palm pressed to Carden's. It made sense, in the way everything makes sense when set in context with Jun being a vampire.

“I'm hungry...”Carden says, falling down on the couch.

“Hmmm....”

“Make me dinner, bitch,” he clarifies. He is so tired. Double shifts are hell. Despite Jun being undead and only drinking blood and coffee and sometimes whisky, he is a good cook. He doesn't taste the things he makes, but he can smell them. It's a weird method, but Carden doesn't care as long as it tastes good.

“Give me the phone,” Jun answers.

“You paying?”

“Yeah...” Jun answers, rolling his eyes.

“Okay.” Carden hands over the phone and lets Jun order something.

  
~+~  
“So,” Carden says; it's late, or maybe it’s early. The hours he keeps since Jun moved in...

“Hmmm?” Jun looks tired as well. Maybe Carden should just shut up about it and ask another time. The thing is he isn't sure he will. He is in this place where everything seems like a good idea right now.

“Stake through your undead heart?” he blurs out.

“Is that actually a serious question?” Jun asks and there is an easy laugh in his voice.

Carden nods his head. “Yes, yes, it is.”

“You planning on killing me and stealing all my treasures?”

“You have treasures?” Carden asks, one eyebrow raised in mockery.

“Lots of them. Living here with you is just a way to keep all the bad guys away.”

“Oh fuck you...” Carden laughs. Jun grabs his ankle, chilly skin on warm flesh. He shivers, but Jun doesn't let go. “Seriously, though.”

“You really want to know how to kill me?”

“No,” Carden says carefully, because it's not about that, “I only want to know if the stake through heart business is true.”

“It's not. I guess it would slow me down, but so would a bullet or a knife. It has nothing to do with wood...on the other hand, I'm far too fast for you to even come close.”

“I'm close now,” Carden says, without thinking about it. Jun closes his eyes briefly.

“Yeah, you are,” he replies, his fingers tighten around Carden's ankle. Just a bit, not enough to hurt, just enough to remind him that Jun is more dangerous than anyone else Carden knows.

“You can't scare me,” Carden says, softly.

“I know,” Jun answers. Carden thinks it sounds kind of unhappy.

“Stop trying then,” he says leaning into Jun. He feels really, really tired all of a sudden.  
Jun keeps silent.

  
**~3~**  
There are things he doesn't know about Jun and there are things he doesn't want to know about Jun. What he does know about Jun is: He can't actually read anyone's thoughts, well except when you touch him _and_ are projecting thoughts. It's like speaking, but faster.  
Jun is lying on the wooden floor, staring at the ceiling. Carden has the urge to kick him, not hard just a nudge. He has that feeling often when he sees something cute. Like cats sitting at the edge of a chair or a child being fully absorbed in something. He is a fucking evil person.

“Don't even think about it,” Jun says. Carden smirks, pushing his foot under Jun's shirt. Skin to skin.

_Too late._

_Fucker._ Jun gives back. Carden laughs. This is easy, weird but fucking easy and cool, somehow.

  
~+~  
“I met this guy,” Jun says, sometime late July. Carden looks up from the book he was reading.

“And? Wanna eat him, wanna fuck him, do I need to find my dress shirt?” he asks.

“Fuck you asshole,” Jun answers, but there is something in his voice Carden doesn't like.

“Are you serious?” he wants to know if one and one equals two in his mind.

“Don't know, he seems cool enough.”

“Does he know you are a vampire?” Carden asks, sitting up straighter. Jun gives him a look, busies himself by lighting a cigarette – to play for time – inhales, exhales. Carden watches him. He doesn't like that thought, not one bit. He's biting his lip without realizing it.

“Stop that, I don't want to kill you,” Jun says and his voice is light. Carden's tongue darts out to collect the blood on his lip. It tastes metallic. Not bad, but not too good. He doesn't think he could be a vampire. He would starve.

“Jun, does he know?” he asks again.

“No,” Jun says.

“So...what the hell is this all about then?”

“I'm moving out,” he says. Carden bites his lip again, hard. The pain is sharp and he is sure there is more blood. Jun hisses and gets up, away from him. He leans against the opposite wall, closing his eyes. He savours the smell, Carden knows. He bites down again, harder still, drawing more blood. “Stop it!” Jun hisses. Carden watches every one of his movements.

“You're moving out and in with him, right?”

“Are you bitching me out?” Jun asks, his voice sounds funny, but not in an amused way, more like fucking scary. The thing is, Carden doesn't fear Jun. Maybe he should. He definitively should, but he doesn't. He shrugs. Maybe he is, maybe he never thought that Jun would just leave. He has no idea why he thought that. After all, Jun just appeared out of nowhere. He can do whatever the fuck he wants to do.

“So, you are moving out. Good thing you don't have that many clothes to begin with,” Carden says. His lip feels tender and there is the metallic taste of blood in his mouth and the back of his tongue. He needs a cigarette to get rid of it. He lights one and inhales.  
Jun is still standing on the other side of the small living room. He looks like he's afraid of Carden and what he would or could do. It's a laugh, because fuck, Jun could kill him and make him beg for it. He's pretty fucking sure of that.

“Yeah,” he says.

 

**~Interlude: The lost years – Run, Pretend, Repeat~**  
[ ](http://pics.livejournal.com/creepylicious/pic/000ff6b8/)

 

 

**~1~**  
Jun isn't going away with anyone; he is running away from something. He lied to Carden, because he is sure Carden would've made him stay and face whatever this is. It's not that clear in his head. There is a sense of danger in the back of his mind.  
Here is the truth, what he doesn't tell Carden: He saw a kid the night before and ripped his heart out. And he enjoyed it. There’s nothing new in the enjoying the blood of someone department. But how he did it, that was...well, kinda shocking even for him: vicious, feral, evil.

  
~+~  
Killing is like breathing. It comes naturally. He never had any problems with killing. The vicious side is a part of him like all the other facets of his charming personality.  
But this...well.  
He ran his hand through his hair and it left a wet, red smear. The strands that fell into his face were light pink. Fuck. He took a deep breath. The air smelled like blood, it was fucking everywhere. He wondered if this was some fucked up kind of vampire mating season or something, because killing the person you fuck is so...he doesn't have words for it. The killing isn't even what bothered him, it's the _how_. Because he just broke open that poor bastard's ribcage and took the heart out to suck the blood from the still beating tissue.  
Now he's sitting in a corner of the apartment, naked and covered in human blood, thinking about the days his life was easier.  
He closes his eyes. _Fuck_ , he thinks again.  
This shit didn't happen to him before he lived with Carden.

  
~+~  
The wind is biting and he zips his hoodie, puts his hood up. Jun takes out his cigarettes, lights one and inhales, leaning against the cold brick wall of the club he just came out from. Too many bodies, too much blood pulsing in unsuspecting veins.  
The hunger is still there. A fire he just can't put out. He has tried fucking everything. He closes his eyes and doesn't think about Carden's shitty apartment.  
Thinking about Carden doesn't do him any good. It makes him feel restless and like he needs to go back, even if he knows that he can't. Not when he's like this.

  
~+~  
There is one thing he hasn’t tried because he didn't want to, but it seems he has no options left. This has gone too far already. You can't live a normal life (normal for a vampire) if you want to kill or fuck all the time, leaving bodies to show up everywhere.  
He has no fucking clue how to find Ethan. The last time he saw Ethan was in the late twenties and it wasn't pretty. It was the day he just left and never looked back. And Ethan didn't try to stop him or find him. Maybe he thought Jun would come back on his own, which, yeah, he is going to do just that.

  
~+~  
He leaves a message in every forum about vampires he can find and waits. For three days he waits, then he does what every vampire in his place would do, he starts his search. He knows Ethan, they spent centuries together, though some of the decades are a blur. His first stop is Paris, because Ethan loved Paris and they lived there for the better part of the 1880's. It was nice, comfortable and...well, whatever. He leaves messages (graffiti) on the walls of the places they stayed in if they are still there. Maybe Ethan will be back, maybe he will find it, maybe he will see.  
Maybe he doesn't care at all. You can never know with that bastard child of a vampire.

  
**~2~**  
He's lying on the hard floor of some little hotel in Germany close to the Polish border. It's playing with the fire. He doesn't think Ethan would ever go to the eastern countries. Too primitive he used to scoff, and of course those people still know, still remember, especially in the small villages. The truth is, eastern Europe is different in this century. Moscow is still a den of decency and corruption, and still luxurious if you can afford to live. They always could afford to live. Wherever, whenever. Not everything is bad about being a blood thirsty monster. It has it's bright sides. To be honest, he thinks, he never thought it had down sides, even if Ethan insisted it being true. Well, now he knows better.  
The ceiling is dirty white and the hunger is building up again (but then again it's never really leaving him these days). His veins squeezing and pushing his blood too fast through them. He feels like he's burning from the inside out. It's really a fucking nasty feeling.  
A few days ago he had the delusion that he totally could do this shit on his own. He doesn't have it in him to lie to himself anymore. He has no idea what the hell is wrong with him. Maybe that's how vampires die? Maybe his system isn't working anymore properly. Maybe he is fucked and doesn't know it. Ethan should have told him about this.  
“Fuck you,” he says to the ceiling. He feels frustrated and scared. He doesn't want to die. It's not something about how he threw away his life or stuff like that. He liked how his life was up until now (or you know the last few months...or year. He thinks he has been looking for Ethan for nearly a year now). That bastard had surely gotten his messages and is just ignoring them. Or maybe, and he doesn't like to entertain that thought too often, he is dead. Ethan was older, if this is the way to go then Ethan surely has gone his own way to the...wherever vampires go when they die. He doesn't think it's heaven. But he never really paid attention in school or church for that matter, so what does he know?  
He turns on his side and curls up. He feels like throwing up, his eyes slide close without him wanting it. He's tired and maybe it's time to die anyway.

  
~+~  
“You're useless, like always,” Ethan says. Wait, it can't be Ethan, because Ethan is dead, his brain supplies. “You wish.” Comes the answer. Jun opens his eyes. The sun is shut out from the room. Thick blue curtains in front of the big window.

“That's not my hotel...” he whispers.

“Well, you aren't in Kansas anymore either,” Ethan answers, lighting a cigarette.

“Where are we?” he sits up carefully, looking around. The room big but sparsely furnished. The sheets smell clean and are pretty soft.

“Egyptian cotton,” Ethan says, taking another drag. There is paint under his fingernails.

“Where are we?” he asks again. Ethan grins.

“Hungary.”

“You are kidding me!”

“Yes, I am. What the hell would I do in Hungary?” he asks.

“The hell, Ethan!”

“Poland, a bit outside of Warsaw.”

“You paint?”

“On some days,” he says, waving his cigarette around like he's illustrating a point. Jun feels more and more irritated by the second. He is about to say something, but the sudden hunger and nausea hit him hard and he falls back into the cushions.

“I'm dying....” he whispers and Ethan laughs. “I'm not dying?” because even Ethan wouldn't laugh about something like that, right?

“You are,” he says and sounds serious about it. He gets up to pace the room.

“But you aren’t,” he states. Another wave of something vicious.

“No...” Ethan answers, but something in his voice sounds off. A bit like old pain. He takes another drag and then turns to Jun. “Right, we can fix that. Of course, only temporally.”

“Like fucking always,” Jun says. He feels weak and wants to sleep. The movement of the bed lets him know that Ethan is going to feed him.  
 _You taste good._ he says, he feels so tired, the blood makes his blood slow down in his veins. Shooting his nerves and the hunger. It feels nice. He can hear Ethan laugh in his head while he swallows. And then everything just goes black.

  
~+~  
When he wakes up again he feels much better. The crazy hunger isn't gone, but it is tolerable. He gets up without any difficulty. Wanders about the house in the light morning sun (it's not true that vampires have to stay inside – in coffins – by day, it's more a thing of learned behaviour than necessity) and finds Ethan in the studio. The room smells like paint, coffee and old cigarette smoke, a little like dust, but no human could make the last out. The walls are white, the floor dark wood and there are canvases everywhere. Ethan is sitting on the floor, studying an unfinished picture in which Jun recognises his sleeping face.

“You're feeling better,” Ethan says, without looking up. He nods, even if it wasn't a question. Ethan can smell that he feels better. Can hear it in the way Jun is walking, moving, breathing.

“So, what the hell is wrong with me?”

“My questions first.” Ethan says, getting up from the floor to add some white to his face on the canvas. Jun waits, leaning against the door-frame. He nods again. “You have someone...you fuck back home?”

“What the hell?”

“Trust me I'm a doctor,” Ethan answers.

“A lot of people? Usually before I kill them? Sometimes I don't kill them...” Jun has no idea why that is of importance, but Ethan is the only one that can answer his questions and maybe save his life. Ethan nods, not looking away from the canvas.

“Someone special?”

“Like a lover?” he asks, nearly laughing out loud.  
Ethan nods. The first thing that comes to mind is Carden when he emerges from his room in the morning, his hair a mess and his shirt rumpled. “No,” he says, biting his lip. The thing with Carden, well there isn't even a thing with Carden. They are just friends and maybe not even that anymore. After all, he ditched Carden and lied to him. Fuck. He runs his hand through his hair. Fuck, seriously.

“Don't lie to me, this shit is important.”

“I'm not. There is this guy I live with? Lived with.”

“Human?”

“Of fucking course?” Because why would you want to live with another vampire? They aren't a cuddly bunch. Most of them really aren't. They meet, they stay for a while, they leave without a word...or that is Jun's limited experience.

“And you never fucked or shared blood or any of that?” Ethan asks, turning from the canvas (Jun thinks that the boy there looks really fucking beautiful), Ethan laughs out loud. “It's how you look.” Jun shakes his head, it's not like he looks. It's how Ethan sees him. That's not the same. Ethan sighs, but doesn't start a debate about it. They spent centuries debating it. “Jun?”

“Yeah, no we didn't. I just sleep on his couch, slept.”

“Hmm...okay.” He says, putting the brush away and cleaning his hands on a towel. “Let's go and eat something.”

  
~+~  
“It has to do with biology,” Ethan starts and Jun rolls his eyes.

“Oh please, we can't make babies. I know that.” Ethan gives him a look that is between amusement and a glare. Jun shrugs.

“Not that kind of biology, wait, yeah kind of. Listen now. So why do vampires make other vampires? Because we need company and we can't make babies, as you so eloquently put it , and because a lot of us don't have the strength to live forever. People die, the world is turning, all that crap.” He sighs, taking another drag of his cigarette.

“Okay?”

“And then we find someone and fall for that someone and make them ours, like we are. It drives us crazy if we don't.”

“Are you saying that this is a mate or die situation? Because what the hell?” Jun asks. Ethan laughs.

“It fucking is. See some of us have doubts about making new vampires, we aren't evil and heartless and all that stuff. We think. We feel, well most of us. And we kill each other...well maybe not anymore, but there were times when things weren’t pretty though. And nature wants us to survive, beats me as to why, but hell...it's nature.”

“And I have to find that person and make that person like me or I'll die?”

Ethan shrugs. “In the best case, yeah. You could cheat and just make _someone_ a vampire.”

“That works?”

“Of course, why would it not? Your judgement will be shitty at best if you cheat, but I guess it'll be better than killing the person you love...” he trails off, looking out of the window.

“When you made me...was this the reason?”

“Does it matter?” Ethan wants to know. The truth is in the long run it actually doesn't. He is a vampire and he is a fucking great vampire, happy, stable and all that. He never had the urge to jump from a cliff, so to speak. Was never suicidal. That, in itself, is maybe answer enough.

“No it doesn't,” he answers, because Ethan and he, they worked until they didn't. And they worked for a really long time.

  
**~3~**  
Jun knows that the person he wants at his side is Carden. He knew from the first night they met and he didn't kill Carden, knew when he told Carden what he was, just knew. He never thought that his vampire mojo was able to find him the perfect mate or something. He and Ethan, they didn't last forever, but a long time and forever is kind of heavy when you actually can't die. Life with only one person gets pretty dull after decades and decades of the same things every day.  
So, maybe nature has really a point here. Maybe they would kill each other if they were bound to stay together forever, until the world itself dies in fire and misery.

  
~+~  
“So, you're thinking about making that guy a vampire?” Ethan asks, his wrist is smeared with blood. The only thing that makes this whole thing tolerable is actually Ethan's blood. He isn't sure not any vampire’s blood would do, but he's glad he doesn't have to fight for this.

“He didn't even want to drink my blood so we could hear each other's thoughts. I don't think he will be excited to become one of the undead...” he makes quotes with his fingers and then trails off wiping away the blood on his lips. He's still feeling twitchy and hungry. But now he knows that it won't go away until he makes a decision.

“You have to hunt soon and make a decision. That will not last too long.”

“This is some kind of selecting process as well, right?” Jun asks. He was thinking about this shit a lot in the last few days. Ethan nods.

“Yeah, if you don't, you just die.”

“You wanted me,” Jun says.

“You were strong, still are. Of course.”

“Did you cheat?”

“Once, before I met you...see, that's why I had to do it right the next time.” He lights a cigarette and doesn't offer any more details. Jun doesn't ask, he maybe really doesn't want to know whom Ethan loved enough to let him or her live and die human. It wasn't him, that much is clear.

“When I decide to just make someone a vampire, will I deal with this shit again in the future?” he asks.

“Yep.” Ethan doesn't sugar-coat things.

“Great.” Jun doesn't think he can deal with this stuff every few years. He didn't even ask when the next time would come around. If he's honest, he doesn't want to know.

  
~+~  
Ethan doesn't let him out of his sight and it pisses Jun off beyond anything that is reasonable, but that is the thing: he is not reasonable anymore.  
Will not be for a while.  
He comes home to Ethan covered in blood and with fire in his veins that burns his sanity away at times and tears his house apart room by room. Ethan doesn't bat an eyelash. He is waiting for Jun to stop being a stubborn little child. To make a decision. There aren't that many. Two, because he isn't going to die. And they both know it.

  
~+~  
He tears his clothes from his body. They are soaked through with blood anyway, so he can't wear them anymore, and lets them fall on the floor of his bedroom. The bed is not made, but he doesn't care. He needs a hot shower, the blood in his veins feels cold and slow.

“It will only get worse,” Ethan says, standing in the door-frame to the bedroom. Jun gives him a look, but doesn't cover himself. Ethan's seen him naked plenty of times.

“How long do I have then?” he wants to know. He feels irritated, but lethargic as well. It's a new feeling and it's frightening.

“Depends,” Ethan says.

“On what?”

“If your blood is already cold in your veins?”

“Fuck,” he says, running a hand through his hair. It tangles, mixes with the blood and he rips strands out, ignoring the pain.

“I don't think you have much time left. Of course my blood helps and your enormous consumption of human blood, but it will only get worse and fast,” Ethan answers. He looks serious for once and Jun knows that shit is about to hit the fan.

“How long?”

“Maybe a few months. I can't say for sure. I give you five.”

“I need a shower,” he says.

“Sure,” Ethan replies, leaving the room.

 

**~Part II.~**  
[ ](http://pics.livejournal.com/creepylicious/pic/000ff6b8/)

 

 

**~1~**  
Carden was moping around for weeks after Jun left, and even Bella didn't say a fucking word about it. Which only tells him that his plan not to make any friends totally backfired on him. There are worse things, he supposes.

“So...” Ryan says, his blue eyes sparkling. He is just a kid and Carden likes him because of that. And the fact that he can kick him when Ryan's being fucking cute without realising he is, without feeling bad about it. Maybe the whole friendship thing isn't so bad after all.

“So, what?” Carden asks, flipping the butt of his cigarette on the pavement. Autumn is really cold as well on the north coast. If you're honest with yourself for one minute, then you realise that it's cold (or chilly) the whole fucking year. Why the hell did he think it was a good idea to settle down here with the North Sea so close by?

“So, are you coming with tonight?” Ryan asks and he is not being cute right now, but getting a bit on Carden's nerves.

“Don't think so,” he answers.

Ryan kind of pouts. Carden kind of hates it when Ryan does it. He wants to make Ryan cry then...sometimes.

“Well...Bella says you used to go out nearly every night before...” he trails of.

“Before what?”

“Before Jun left your sorry ass, darling,” Bella says sitting down next to him with a cup of fresh coffee. It's for him; she doesn't drink any. He takes a sip and doesn't answer. What is there to say? He was out with Jun because Jun needed to feed and he didn't like to do it alone and now...there is no need to get out.

“There is no reason to go out.”

“Well, there are plenty, honey. To get drunk, to dance, to get laid – you, my friend, need so obviously to get laid,” Bella says.

He rolls his eyes. “Not in front of the children,” he answers.  
She smirks.

“Hey!” Ryan says.

“Maybe,” Carden says, taking another sip of coffee.

  
~+~  
“What the hell?” Ryan asks as he enters the apartment and Carden has really no idea _at all_ why he thought it would be a good idea to let Ryan live here with him. (It went something like this: “Just for a few weeks...” Ryan had said. Needless to say, it didn't stay that way.)

“What?” Carden says, switching on the light. And then he blinks. In the middle of the couch someone is sitting. “No fucking way,” Carden says.

“What is that?” Jun asks and gestures in Ryan's direction. Carden takes a deep breath and then smiles. Two can play that fucking game.

“New room-mate, Jun; Jun, new room-mate.” Ryan waves tentatively, but Jun ignores him completely.

“You replaced me?” he asks, looking at Carden and Carden only.

“Well, I had some space after you left. Speaking of which, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I have a key.” Jun answers. Carden nods, even if he knows that Jun doesn't have a key, because he changed the fucking locks. He doesn't want to freak Ryan out more than he already is.

“You look like shit,” Carden says, leaning against the wall.

“Tell me about it,” Jun sighs, letting his head fall back on the couch. It's so fucking easy, Carden thinks, to be here with Jun. For Jun to be here, like he never left to play house with someone else. He stomps on all the tender feelings of worry and friendship and crosses his arms over his chest. Jun left his sorry ass and didn't even call. Carden has every fucking right to be pissed off at him.

“You need to go,” he says. Jun's eyes snap open. Dark, dark eyes half hidden by his bangs.

“I can't,” he says.

“What the hell, Jun?” Carden answers hotly.

“I can't. I can't be with _people_. Even he is too fucking much,” Jun replies with a slight nod in Ryan's direction.

“You hungry?” he asks as calmly as he can.

“I'm starving,” Jun says with a smile. It's the one you should fear. Ryan takes a step back. Carden doesn't think he is even aware of doing it.

“Maybe you should go to Bella's for tonight?” Carden says and Ryan nods, not even trying to protest. Carden guesses he can feel the danger. The danger that Carden himself doesn't feel at all.

“You should be afraid,” Jun says as the door closes behind Ryan, his head buried in his hands.

“You know me, I never do what is expected of me,” Carden answers shrugging.  
Jun keeps silent. “So what the hell is going on?” Carden wants to know.

“I'm in heat,” Jun mumbles into his hands.

“You've got to be kidding me!” Carden says. He pushes away from the wall, putting his hands into the pockets of his jeans. This can only be a joke. He has the urge to laugh, but doesn't think it would be the right thing to do right now.

“I fucking wish. I don't...you can't imagine the shit I've done,” he answers very quietly. The thing is Carden never could, never wanted to either.

“You're right, I can't. I don't want to either. I'm sure I could follow the trail of bodies you left behind..., but I don't...” he sighs. Fuck, what the hell is he even doing here in one room with his crazy vampire friend? “Are you going to flip out?”

“Been there, done that,” Jun says, he still isn't looking at Carden. It's a bit unsettling.

“Coffee?” he asks.

“Coffee isn't going to solve this mess I'm in.”

“Don't say such horrible things about coffee, dude. Coffee solves every problem,” Carden answers, crossing the room to get to the kitchen. Jun's fingers are around his wrist as he passes by. He never even saw Jun move. He takes a deep calming breath. “I mean it, no insulting the coffee,” he says, not looking at Jun, or his fingers (too hard, too fucking hard) on his skin.  
Jun laughs again, it sounds shaky, and lets go of Carden's wrist finger by finger, like he needs to concentrate on letting go.

  
~+~  
“You are serious about this shit,” Carden says, blowing over his coffee. To be honest he couldn't believe it. Because, well...mate or die?  
Jun nods, cradling his cup, but not drinking. He isn't looking at Carden either. Or touching him. In fact, he is sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall farthest away from Carden. “What are you gonna do?”

“Find someone who...” he stops, and takes a deep breath, “someone who wants to be like me.”

“To be with you?”

“For some time, I guess until he or she gets the hang of it.”

“Being a vampire? I think that is pretty self-explanatory,” Carden says.

“Yeah, you would be surprised about the shit you need to know...” Jun answers, he sounds kind of pissed off.

“This is the first time you’re seeing a downside here, hmmm?” Carden asks and he can't help that his voice sounds amused.

“Fuck you!”

“You wish,” Carden says lightly.  
Jun puts his cup down and takes out his cigarettes, the pack crumbled, out of his back-pocket. He lights one and leans his head against the wall. His eyes closed as he inhales.

“Ethan should have told me this shit far earlier. It's not like I wouldn't get it, you know? Because every vampire does. That's how we are,” Jun says, exhaling. Carden watches the smoke leave Jun's lips, curling around him, dispensing into the air.

  
~+~  
“Do you even know how to go about this?“ Carden asks later when they're watching a movie that they aren't really watching and Jun is still too far away.

“About what?” he asks distracted.

“About finding someone to turn,” Carden answers.

“Ethan said I would make a poor choice either way, so I'll just...”

“Put an ad in the paper?” Carden supplies. Jun turns to face him.

“That idea isn't half bad,” he says. Carden rolls his eyes. “What? You have a better one? I mean, what does it matter in the end? I will create someone who won't even live that long.”

“Whatever that means by your standards,” Carden replies.

“I don't have any standards, you should know,” Jun says with a leer and then smirks.

“Believe me, I do know that,” Carden leans against the back of the couch and stares at the ceiling.

“What are you thinking about?”

He shrugs. He has no idea what he is thinking about...oh, well. “You,” he replies after a while of endless silence.

“You missed me?” Jun asks, his voice kind of soft and a bit mocking. The truth is he did, but he's not going to tell.

“Nah...” he says instead, closing his eyes. He is sure Jun knows he's lying.

  
**~2~**  
It’s strange to have Jun back. Carden lies in his bed and listens and hears nothing. Ryan is always tossing and turning and being all _there_ somehow and Jun is – not. Sometimes he doesn’t even hear Jun breathing. It’s so strange. It didn’t use to bother him at all when they were living together, when Jun was crashing on his couch and just didn’t leave. It doesn’t bother him now either. It’s just…something.  
And there is the whole vampire-mating season thing. What a cluster-fuck, honestly. He sighs and turns to face the door of the bedroom. It’s ajar, because…he has no fucking idea why, is the truth. Maybe so he knows that Jun is still there. Still on the couch sleeping. He closes his eyes and doesn’t think about it. What good does it do anyway? Jun’s back and with a lot of problems on top of that too.  
Carden has no idea how he got here. No, that’s a lie. (This is how it went: “So, can I bum a smoke?” Jun had asked and Carden was kind of taken aback by him – for no good reason. “Sure,” he had said and Jun had smiled. “I’m Jun.” Carden passed over his lighter. “Carden,” he had said and Jun had only nodded and that was that.)  
There is, of course, the question of why the hell is he still here? Lets Jun still stay here, crash on his couch. He had no good answer to that. Or maybe he has one that he really doesn't want to face.

  
~+~  
“Give me coffee,” Jun says from the couch as Carden passes it. His hands are under his head and Carden isn’t sure it isn’t because he tries so hard not to reach out and just touch.

“You look like fucking death,” Carden answers.

“I am dead, you know that…”

Carden rolls his eyes. “Lame, even for you.”

“Whatever, I didn’t sleep at all,” Jun says. He turns around so he’s staring at the ceiling now.

“You weren’t out either.”

“Blood just doesn’t do it anymore. Ethan was feeding me…and…” he trails off. Carden honestly loves it when people do that.

“Are you dying because of this shit?” he wants to know. Jun closes his eyes.

“Yeah…”

“Shouldn’t you be out there then? Hunt someone down and make him or her a vamp and be done with it?”

“Maybe.”

“What are you waiting for?” Carden asks and Jun opens his eyes to look at him. Carden feels pinned by his gaze for a moment and knows, just knows his blood is rushing faster trough his veins. Jun stares and then looks away.

“Give me coffee, bitch,” he says and Carden isn’t even pissed off at him for this shit. He nods and disappears in the kitchen.

  
~+~  
“So, I hear he’s back,” Bella says.

“Hello to you too,” Carden answers instead of ‘Fuck off.’

She smirks, because she knows him. “Back, hmmm?”

“He’s crashing on my couch again,” Carden answers, tying his apron.

“What about Ryan?”

“I don’t think they can both crash on my couch,” Carden says.

“No shit…” Bella is eyeing him carefully. “Are you okay?”

“It’s complicated, okay? He has done some shit and now…”

“What?”

“He’s sick, Bella.” He says, not looking at her and hopes she doesn’t ask any more questions.

“Is it serious?”

“He’s sleeping on my couch after all the shit he pulled on me. Judge for yourself.”

She nods. “I can offer Ryan my couch for a while,” she says.

“Thanks.” He really is grateful for her help. He didn’t actually want to throw Ryan out, but things with Jun…are things with Jun. And when push comes to shove, Jun wins every time.

“Whatever,” she answers.

  
~+~  
Jun isn’t there when he comes home. He toes off his shoes and puts some music on. Late shifts are killing him. Double shifts are killing him, too. He leans his head against the back of the couch and closes his eyes. He never really thought about Jun as _a vampire_. It’s weird, because he knows that. Knows that Jun is killing people to live forever and ever and ever. But to Carden, Jun was always just Jun. A friend, someone who doesn’t care about much other than going out and hanging around Carden’s apartment and watching movies and stuff. Just stuff.  
“Weird…” he mutters with a smile. He missed Jun.

  
~+~  
He wakes up because something wet and hard is clasped around his ankle. After a few seconds his brain supplies him with the knowledge that there are fingers around his ankle. Wet fingers. He opens his eyes and wants to look down.

_Don't..._ Jun's voice says in his head.

“What the hell?”

“I...” he sighs and Carden sits up. It's pitch-black in the room. The covers rustle softly when he moves, he can barely see Jun's body as a silhouette.

“Tell me this isn't what I think it is,” he says.

_What do you think it is?_ Jun wants to know. His fingers are smearing whatever it is – he is so not going there, so not happening – over his skin. _Coward._ The voice in his head says gently.

“You're one to talk,” he answers and then after a brief pause, “what are you doing here?” It's only a whisper.

“I can't be alone...I feel...disconnected,” Jun says, his fingers tighten around Carden's ankle.

_This is kind of gross._ Carden thinks at him.

“It's exactly what you think it is.”

_I know...._ he thinks and then after a few seconds. _Wanna sleep here?_

_Are you crazy?_

“Please, I let a vampire crash on my couch. This is nothing,” Carden answers. Jun cocks his head.

“Yeah,” he says and let's go of Carden. One finger after another. Like that time he grabbed Carden's wrist a few days ago. Like he needs to concentrate on it.  
Carden shifts around to make room on the small bed and Jun curls up beside him. He smells metallic and Carden doesn't think about what it means. Or what it says about him that he's still letting Jun stay.

“You're doing laundry...” Carden says instead of 'good night' and Jun laughs.

  
~+~  
Jun's gone when Carden wakes up the next day. His sheets are dirty – not in the good way either. He tosses them onto the floor and gets up. The floor feels cold under his bare feet.  
There is cold coffee in the kitchen. Carden hates cold coffee – especially on a Saturday when he doesn't have to be anywhere. He prepares a new pot and sits down on the couch to watch cartoons while eating a bowl of cereal. It's kind of strange not having Jun there beside him. It's also strange that Jun is outside – what with him being fucking dangerous. More than normal, that is. Carden doesn't like the feeling in his stomach that tells him things are getting out of hand. If last night told him anything it’s that he needs to force Jun to make a new vampire before the police comes knocking on his door. Or someone else.

  
~+~  
“As I see it, you have two options. One: Not making a new vampire and die – or, you know, wait for someone to discover this shit and put you out of your misery. Two: make a vampire and live.”

“I hate when you are being reasonable,” Jun answers, kicking his shin. Carden doesn't even bat an eyelash.

“I'm always reasonable.”

“As I said,” Jun replies and Carden kicks him in return.

“What are you going to do, fucker?” he asks after a while. Jun bites his lip, not hard enough that it bleeds, but hard enough that it whites out.

“No idea.”

“As if,” Carden says.

“What that's supposed to mean?” he asks sharply.

“That you don't want to die.”

“There is another option...” he says quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I need to find someone who...is kind of...feels right.”

“You vampires have a soul-mate thing going on? Seriously?” Carden asks and he can't find it in him to be serious about it, because this? This is kind of hilarious.

“It's not as funny as it sounds,” he says.

“It kind of...”

“It means eternity with one person...or as close as you come to eternity when you can't die,” he answers sharply. Carden sobers up.

“You and Ethan?”

“I wanted it. I like it. I'm good at it and he knew.”

“That person you...is there someone?”

“He wouldn't be a good vampire, so no...” Jun bites his lip again and Carden carefully doesn't think about any of this.

“Then it's no option at all, is it?” he asks gently.

“Fuck. No, it is not. I am going to screw up and make a horrible vampire and then dump him or her...” he sighs. Carden strokes his ankle with his bare feet.

_It'll be okay._ He thinks.

“Easy for you to say that.”  
Carden keeps quiet. It's true after all.

  
~+~  
“So, that Ethan guy...” Carden says three days later. Jun's head snaps in his direction. It's kind of creepy how he does it every time now. Carden shakes it off.

“Yeah?”

“What's the deal with him?”

“He's my maker,” Jun answers dismissively.

Carden nods. “So was this a mate or die thing as well for him?”

“How should I know?”

“I don't know, by asking, maybe?”

“Our relationship didn't work like that back then,” Jun says, leaning his head against the wall and closing his eyes. Carden has the feeling he doesn't want to talk about it. But he can't help the curiosity.

“And you were with him last year?” he wants to know.

“Not the whole year. That asshole let me stew. I was looking for him everywhere.”

“And he found you,” Carden finishes.

“Yeah.”

“Because you are important to him,” Carden says.

“Maybe. You never know with Ethan. After all, he didn't tell me about the whole mate or die thing. Bastard.”

“It's not really a mate or die situation, you know?” He says, he was thinking about it. Read up on it on the internet. It seems to be a quite common thing in fiction.

“What the fuck?”

“There is no sex involved.”

Jun laughs. “You clearly have no idea how new vampires are made.”

“Hmm,” Carden says.

“Yeah, exactly.”

  
**~3~**  
It's not like he is obsessing about it or something. Because he is not. Jun nudges his ankle with a toe and Carden looks up from the book he wasn't quite reading.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks.

_Can't you tell?_ Carden wants to know.

“Sometimes I do...sometimes I don't want to.”

“Never used to bother you with other people.”

_You're not other people._  
No, he supposes he's not.

~+~  
“You look like shit,” Carden tells him.

“I know....wasn't out much lately.”

“I don't think it's safe for you to go out looking like that.”

“It's not safe to be starving either,” Jun shoots back. Carden gives him a look, but he doesn't apologize. After all Jun knows what he has to do. He just needs to fucking do it finally. Jun runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breathe.

“It's getting worse. You are actually dying,” he states.

“Yeah, I think that's happening,” Jun admits.

“And you aren't going to do anything about it?”

“I'm working on it.”

“Work faster.”

~+~  
Jun is drenched in blood when he comes back the next morning. _Drenched in blood._ Like he took an actual bath in it. Even his hair is stained with it, so you couldn't tell what colour it usually is. Carden doesn't want to know.

“That is not a plan,” he states.

Jun snarls at him. A feral sound and shuts the door leaving him the only living person in the room.  
“It has to do,” he answers after a while of silence in which Carden refused to back down.

“For how long?” Carden asks.

“Until I...until...”

“Until WHAT? What the fuck is it?”

“You!” Jun bites out. “Fuck. I'm too tired to do this now. It's time for vampires to go to bed,” he says. As he passes by Carden, Carden grabs his wrist. He spins around and Carden's fingers threaten to slip on the wet skin. He tightens his hold. “What now?!”

Carden has no fucking idea. No fucking idea at all. _What is it?_ he asks, because sometimes it's just easier not to say it out loud.

“This is not an ‘if you never said it, it never happened’ deal,” Jun says. He smells like blood, sharp and metallic. Carden hesitates and then lets go of Jun's wrist. One finger after another and Jun stares at him, stares as his hand stains with human blood. He takes a sharp breath.

“I'll wait,” Carden says, rubbing his hand clean on his jeans. Jun doesn't ask for what, maybe he knows. Actually, he is sure Jun knows. They both know.

  
~+~  
“You look like hell,” Bella says. Carden only nods. He is sure he does look like hell. “What happened?”

“Besides Jun being ridiculous?” he asks. She gives him a look. He waves it away with the hand that is holding a cigarette and then he takes another lungful of smoke.

“Haven't seen him around lately,” she answers.

Yeah, because he doesn't want to eat you, he thinks. “He's busy...”

“With what?”

“Dying.” It sounds kind of final and cruel and she looks shocked. He shrugs, takes another drag. He has no idea how else to phrase it. It's what is happening at the moment.

“Are you okay?” she asks gently. He laughs, because fuck if he knows. He is not. He is not okay with a lot of things. “Sorry, stupid question, of course you are not okay... You could've said something sooner.”

“I did, remember?”

“I thought it was...”

“A joke?” Carden supplies.

“No. Just that he...not that he's dying,” she answers, leaning into him. He can feel her body-heat and the skin where their arms touch and how soft she is. “What are you going to do?” she asks after a while. Their break is nearly over. He flips the butt on the pavement and closes his eyes briefly against the brightness of the sun.

“Help him.”

“How?” she wants to know.

“No idea. The best I can, I guess,” he answers. She nods beside him.

  
~+~  
“I was thinking,” Carden says. Jun doesn't look up from the book he is reading. Carden doesn't care. “You need to get a fucking grip and right the fuck now,” he continues.

“Right.”

“I mean it. I watch you kill people and don't tell me you don't. I know you don't need to, but I also know you are doing it and enjoying it right now.” Jun still doesn't look up, but his fingers tighten on the book in his hands. “You need to make someone a vampire. This needs to stop.”

“And what tells you that if I do, that vampire will not go on a nice little killing spree?” Jun says sharply.

“Nothing, but if he does, we'll kill him.” Carden's voice is hard, harder than he thought it would come out, but he was thinking about this and he can't watch Jun do this anymore. And he tells Jun that.

“Can't watch me do that anymore...” he laughs. “Fuck you! You knew from the start. You _watched_ from the start. What a fucking hypocrite you are.” He almost sounds disappointed, Carden thinks and he got it totally wrong.

“This shit must mess with your brain more than I thought,” he says, shaking his head.

“Enlighten me then.” It comes out sharp and cruel and sarcastic. Carden isn't shaken. This is how things are now for them, between them. And he kind of hates it, he wants back the days when they were just...when they just _were_.

“True, I was watching, I knew. I _know_. But you weren't hurting then,” he says firmly.

“I wasn't hurting back then... Oh, fuck you! Fuck... _you_ ,” the last word is just a whisper.  
Carden takes a few steps in his direction and Jun doesn't try to get away, so he closes the distance between them. Stands there between the V of Jun's legs, their knees touching. _You are crazy._ Jun thinks at him.

“That's the only reason why this works. So, lucky for you that I am,” he answers.  
He curls his fingers to fists against his thighs, because he doesn't know what to do with them, doesn't know if he should touch more. If he wants, if Jun wants him to. What with his control being as thin as Victoria's Secret underwear.

“You'll make a terrible vampire,” Jun says. He isn't touching either. His hands on either side of him planted firmly on the couch.

“I'm sure. I hate how blood smells...” Carden answers nodding, it's true after all. He doesn't even like the taste that much. It's not totally disgusting, he supposes, but it isn't great either.

“And this isn't a happily ever after deal.” Jun is looking him in the eyes as he says it.

“It kind of is,” Carden objects.

“Forever isn't forever for vampires,” Jun says.

Carden rolls his eyes. “I know that, you told me, dumb ass,” he answers. Jun reaches out then, carefully. His hand on Carden's hip feels heavy. Meaningful. His thumb caresses through a thin layer of worn cotton. Carden is reminded of Jun's words about the whole mating or dying thing. “Will it hurt?” he asks, he isn't big on the pain.

“Can't remember anymore,” Jun answers. Carden raises an eyebrow. “We were fucking for hours and everything is a blur, a haze of lust and need and blood...” he trails off, licking his lips. Carden thinks he can get behind that.

“So, we're gonna fuck and we’re gonna live forever and then fuck some more...hmmm?”

“That is basically the plan.”

“I think I can live with that,” Carden answers and Jun drags him gently down to kiss him.

  
~+~  
Even if Jun said it, Carden didn't really believe it. Jun never struck him as a patient person. Or tender. Jun is patient, in an inpatient way. Carden wants to tell him to just do it, just bite him, fuck him, turn him.

“I know what you're thinking,” Jun whispers against his skin and licks it, like erasing the thoughts with his tongue.

_Fucker, of course. No one would need telepathy to know that right now._ Jun laughs. It's deep and amused and Carden fucking loves it, can feel it in his body, in his brain, in his blood. On his skin, like a rippling wave, like something breaking him open. He presses his face into the couch, it smells like Jun and smoke. Jun breathes in sharply. Carden doesn't realise what he had done, before Jun is on him, tearing at his clothes, licking his exposed neck. He can feel something give and it might not only be his shirt. Cool air hits his skin, the trail of Jun's tongue is hot in comparison to it. His fingers pressing soft bruises into his flesh, leaving marks that will not last beyond that night anyway. Carden grabs at Jun's shirt, he is no virgin, he is no victim. It's them and Carden never took any shit from Jun. Not before he knew, not after. He drags Jun back up by his hair and kisses him like he wanted for some time now.

“Fuck...” Jun gasps as they come up for air again. Not that Jun needs to breathe...and yeah the best image ever of Jun on his knees for him. Carden tears at Jun's shirt, because why the hell isn't he naked already? And Jun sits up to take it off and then he leans down again, dragging his lips from Carden's jaw, over his collarbone, to his navel. He grazes a nipple with his teeth on his way down and Carden moans, because fuck, fuck, fuck. He unbuttons Carden's jeans and drags them down, Carden doesn't even need to lift his hips, because Jun can do that, he is just that strong. He could manhandle Carden if he wanted, but he doesn't and that...that is why this is going to be fucking fantastic. Jun grins against his hip. “I don't need to breathe,” he whispers.

_I know!_ It's a giddy-annoyed shout and it dies even in his mind as Jun licks once from the tip to the root of his dick and then just swallows. And he is fucking fantastic at it.

_Years of practice and by years, I mean centuries._ Jun says in his mind, projecting images that would make Carden blush if he were anyone else. Jun laughs in his mind and it makes him shiver, his whole body reacting to it. He bites his lip so hard that it bleeds as he comes and Jun licks it away, sucks on the tender flesh and Carden shoves him away weakly, because he can't take it. His whole body over-sensitive; pleasure cursing through him like fire. Under his skin, crawling slowly. Jun can't stop touching him.

“Obsessed much?”

“It's the blood rushing through your veins, I can see it close to your skin, it looks so fucking delicious,” he leans down to kiss Carden's stomach then. “You look so fucking delicious.” He sits up then. “We need a bed, we need a bed right the fuck now.”

“Weren't you talking about hours?” Carden teases.

“Oh, we only just started,” Jun says, grabbing his wrist and pulling him up. It's a close thing, because his jeans are around his knees. “God, get rid of them already!” Jun says a bit frustrated, but he's laughing anyway. “And the socks, too...” he adds as an afterthought. He takes off the rest of his own clothes as well, with one hand, because he doesn't let go of Carden's wrist.

  
~+~  
The sheets are the same as yesterday and smell like him. Jun spreads him out and licks his skin and makes him crazy with want and need and right the fuck now. The blood on his tongue tastes like nothing for a long second and then the taste explodes and it is metallic and sharp and disgusting, but it makes him want things. Makes him want to push Jun down and bite him until he draws blood. He fists his hands into the sheets instead and lets Jun kiss him and bring him off again.

“So, are you a toppy top who likes to top?” he asks and his voice sounds funny; like he screamed at the top of his lungs, and maybe he had, he doesn't remember. He turns his head to look at Jun, his fingers brushing against Jun's hip.

“Yeah,” Jun says, but his smile is soft. Carden closes his eyes and savours that thought. That fantasy of Jun taking him and breaking him apart and putting him back together. “Stronger,” Jun whispers, placing a soft kiss on his shoulder, “better,” another kiss with a lick, “faster,” a soft bite. Carden rolls to his side, grabs Jun by the neck and kisses him for real. Tongue and heat and desperation.

“And if I wanted to fuck you?” he asks against Jun's lips. This thought crossed his mind as well. Jun closes his eyes. The fingers of his right hand tighten on Carden's hip. It is nearly painful.

“You should,” he says and Carden kisses him again. Rolls them so he's on top, straddling Jun. He grabs blindly into the drawer, rummaging, searching for lube and a condom he is sure he won't need anyway.

  
~+~  
There is a subtle shift as Jun lifts his leg, just a fraction and lets it fall to the side. It steals Carden's breath away. It feels like a gift and he was ready to hand himself over to Jun, but this...this, Jun handing himself over to him. Fuck.  
“I hope you fucking know what you're fucking doing,” Jun says, but his voice is soft.

“Fucking, fucker,” Carden says, trying for light, but kind of failing. Jun laughs anyway.

_You can't hurt me._ His mind whispers. Carden's whispers back that he wouldn't.  
Jun feels tight and soft and kind of chilly around him, not cold, but not hot either. Just Jun when he didn't feed. He lets Jun be in control anyway, lets Jun ride him. Painfully slow. Even watching is too much. Every move of Jun is like a wave breaking against Carden's skin. Too intense – he suspects it's the vampire blood or maybe it's just fucking Jun. Jun with his centuries of skills to drive him mad.  
Carden's eyes fly open when Jun bites down hard as he comes. He can feel his veins, his body, protest against it, but Jun's mind is whispering to him, so he lets it go.

  
~+~  
He wakes up to bloody sheets and the sun breaking through the clouds. He can sense it. On his skin, in his blood, in his fucking bones. Nothing smells sharper, he thinks and Jun laughs.

“Not yet. You should be glad for that,” he says, kissing his shoulder.

“I guess,” Carden answers. Jun rolls on top of him, he can feel Jun's dick hard and hot against his hip.

“Remember what I told you last night?” he whispers, biting at Carden's collarbone. Carden moans and rolls his eyes at Jun.

“About how I should fuck you? I remember that just fine,” he says and it earns him another laugh and a sharp bite. He _can_ smell the blood.

_It'll be the only thing for a while, really..._ Jun's mind says. “About me being a toppy top who likes to top,” he adds.

“Yeah...” Carden answers, turning to kiss Jun's bloody lips.

**~end~**

****


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